Cet article sera en anglais – version française à venir prochainement
Today’s review is a bit different. It is about a blog, and not a book. It is about the real life experience of Lynn, an American girl, who got married to a Syrian man, and moved with him to Saudi. The story of her life is fascinating as well as very harsh. A lesson for all.
I came across Lynn’s blog via another one. Feminine Materz is a feminist blog whose author is based in Africa. I love it and would love for you to follow it as well, I am learning a lot about what it means to be a woman and a feminist in this continent (this is from a privileged white French girl who grew up in a middle class family).
There was an article listing interesting links, and I dutifully clicked on each of them. Some were more interesting than others to me, but Lynn’s blog stood up. It is called « Lynz Real Cooking », and that’s why it first caught my interest: I am trying to get better in the kitchen. (I’ve mastered pasta, now I can move forward!)
But then I digged around a little and found that Lynn had lived in Saudi for many years. And there was a tab called « Escape – True Life Story ». Having read Princess a few month earlier, on the restrictions women in Saudi have to live with, I was very eager to discover Lynn’s story.
Story in short: Lynn met her handsome future husband when she was a student in the US. Very early in the relationship, there were signs of manipulation but she chose to ignore them as she was deeply in love.
When her husband found a new job in Saudi, the whole family (three kids and one on the way) moved there. Living conditions were horrible but slowly improved as Lynn’s husband was able to secure better positions. But at home it was hell: whatever Lynn did was wrong. The family grew and Lynn had 9 children.
When her eldest son graduated from university in the US, they decided to all go there to attend the ceremony. Lynn then made the decision to stay back and separated from her abusive husband.
Review: Lynn’s story is told in simple yet efficient words. I suspect the telling of her own story was a therapeutic step for her to heal from the relationship.
She never tells the name of her husband. He is known throughout the story as « He », written often in bold and italic.
HE is a lovely young man studying in the US when he meets Lynn, a middle class American girl, loud, chewing gum and joking around. They fall in love immediately.
Very early in the relationship, there are clues here and there that something isn’t right, but Lynn, young and enthusiastic, chose to ignore them. The first one is him taking control on her money. The second, their secret wedding and her secret conversion to Islam to be able to marry her lover. Then the abuse gets more and more regular. Lynn learns how to react to protect herself and the kids and limit the damages.
The real switch is when her husband rediscovers his faith, and vows to live a humble life: it means that the family will live with the bare minimum, or even less, without complaining, because ‘it is worse for others’ and they are privileged to have what they have. They should be thankful for what they have.
They live in a small house with little furniture, given away by friends leaving the country or Lynn’s parents when they redecorate their own home.
It becomes worse when they move to Saudi, a country where women depend 100% on their « guardian » (husband, father or son) for every aspect of their life.
Lynn is humble and full of courage. I was horrified to learn that she moved into an apartment with no furniture whatsoever and no AC with three children and eight months pregnant. And her husband telling her that she should make do! And she diligently obliged! Horrified.
The treatment she received at the hospital when she went to check on her pregnancy and after that, to deliver her baby, were terrible as well.
Day after day, she continues to oblige her husband, and be a good housewife. Visits to her sister, living in the same country, are a ray of sun in the life of the family.
Eventually they settle down in a nice compound, with electricity (!!!!) and thus air conditioning. Lynn is able to make a home of their house and finds friends she likes among the expat crowd that lives there.
But her relationship with her husband deteriorates and she soon turns into a slave. She isn’t allowed to eat with the family. Only good to cook, do the housework, and in silence.
As the kids grow up, reaching their teens, they start to understand that something is wrong and defend their mother. In return, « He » asks Lynn to stop turning HIS kids against him… things like a bicycle for the eldest son takes months to negotiate.. before that he was running alongside his friends who all had a cycle.
The school system in Saudi is also terrible. The kids are beaten and insulted, there is very little supervision during recess, and injuries aren’t taken seriously by the school team. Lynn finds the courage to confront her husband when it comes to her children, which he obviously doesn’t like, but he knows that she’s a lioness when it comes to the kids.
When Osama, the eldest boy, leaves to go to university to the US, Lynn is accused once again of separating on purpose the kids from their father.
The ultimate humiliation happens when Lynn is asked to sign a document stating that she doesn’t oppose her husband to take another bride… and she accepts.
The paranoia and control of Lynn’s husband is growing and becoming more and more devastating. In retrospect, Lynn is able to pinpoints clues that she didn’t notice or chose to ignore at the beginning of her relationship.
She finally sets free from this toxic relationship when Osama graduates in the US, and the whole family goes to attend the graduation ceremony. They all secretly pack to never come back, but Lynn makes the final decision when, even in the US, on American soil, at her parents’ place, HE continues to manipulate and impose his will on her – he refuses that she goes to the toilets, purely and simply!
I must say that this is a very moving story and I couldn’t imagine that it happened for real. But Lynn and her kids are real. They suffered the mental illness of their husband and father for years before breaking free.
Lynn had to start again from the beginning. She had to find a job when she had never worked, use a credit card when she never owned one, and rely on herself when she used to rely on her husband for everything that was outside of the house.
Today she’s a grand mother, and a proud one. Her life story is an inspiration, and I hope you will read it and share it as well.
Lynn’s blog, where you can find her story, her recipes, and photos of Saudi, Syria and the US: https://lynzrealcooking.com/
Wouah, et bien quelle histoire touchante!
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
Oui, très touchante effectivement! Et surtout, une sorte de Happy End malgré tout…
J’aimeJ’aime
Il y a tellement d’histoires horribles, il suffit parfois juste de tomber sur une personne toxique.
Bisous à toi et à plus sur nos blogs respectifs!
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
Oui c’est vrai. Et après il faut avoir al force de s’extraire de cette relation, ce que tout le monde n’a pas…
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
Tout à fait, c’est extrêmement difficile. Bisous à toi!
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
You are so very kind to write this! I thought that you shared a story of mine, I did not know that you wrote this lovely piece! thank you for sharing!!
J’aimeAimé par 3 personnes
🙂 glad you liked it!
J’aimeAimé par 2 personnes
So nice!!!!!!I am so glad I came by your blog today! I saw my picture and was shocked! Very nice indeed!
J’aimeAimé par 2 personnes
Sev, nice piece indeed. Lynz, I look forward to checking out your blog!
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
Sorry it took me so long! I thought you had simply reblogged an article of mine! Again, so very kind of you!!
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A reblogué ceci sur lynz real cookinget a ajouté:
A new blogging friend! This blogger wrote a special review and post about my story! I am so very grateful!
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
Such a wonderful article you created about our Lynn! She is such an amazing person and it makes me happy to see how much appreciated she is all around 😊
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
Her story truly moved me. I usually write about books, but I have a feeling that at a certain point, this story could well become one… so inspiring.
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
I feel exactly the same about her story. I even suggested to think about a movie about it. I am sure, it would be very successful! Thank you again, for your article, Sev!
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
Agreed following Lynn has been most profound for me and I support her at every curve-she is a woman of great strength, courage, and one I truly respect! Lovely article and review. xx
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
Thank you! Reading her story also made me reflect on my personal life. As you said, « most profound » indeed.
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
Yes, xx
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
I have been reading Lyn’s story for a long time, and find it utterly moving, and am so glad that she is now free and happy with the life she has made for her family. Great review.
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
Thanks for stopping by. Reading Lynn’s story made me think a lot. She’s an inspiration.
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
Yes she is very brave, and had the courage to make a leap into the unknown. Thanks for following my blog.
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
This is a wonderful and important story to share!!! Domestic abuse can be anywhere – no matter the religion or country. Lynn’s strength is hugely inspiring. She came to see the insidious abuse that was not deserved in any way! It will be a « process » to come to healing, and Lynn bravely shares her journey. ❤
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
Indeed, domestic abuse can be found in each and every society… I especially appreciated the one post in Lynn’s blog about her husband « forcing » her to embrace Islam.. she was so careful to say that religion wasn’t the problem, but what her husband made her do in the name of religion, and what his interpretation was. I found this article very well balanced and written.
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
Wow thanks for sharing Lynne’s story with your side of the world. She is one talented and strong woman. xo
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
Indeed 🙂 Always happy to share stories that are worth it!
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
I think of Lynn as one of my sisters…she’s a wonderful woman, and I hold her very high in esteem for sure…..great post….kat
J’aimeAimé par 2 personnes
Great to know that she is surrounded by faithful friends. Thanks for stopping by!
J’aimeJ’aime
that I believe she is….first her children and then parents and then good friends….shes such a lovely person…how could you not like her!!!
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
I’ve been following Lynn for some time. This is an excellent telling of the story Lynn writes on her blog. Thanks for getting her story « out there. » The friendship of people, especially women in the blog world, continues to grow in support of Lynn. Wonderful bonds of love and understanding. ❤
J’aimeAimé par 2 personnes
Thank you for your kind words. I thought it was a story worth telling. I usually review books, but in this case I am fairly confident that Lynn’s story will, one day, be printed 🙂
J’aimeAimé par 2 personnes
Many thanks for visiting my blog and following.
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
Wow! Merci pour le partage, quelle histoire! Horrible et pourtant je suis sûre qu’elle n’est pas malheureusement pas unique!
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
Je ne pense pas non plus, mais la violence domestique (qu’elle soit physique ou morale) est un probleme que l’on se doit de denoncer. Son recit est tres touchant parce qu’il est vrai, et raconte sans fioritures. D’ailleurs, certaines fois, ca derange vraiment. Mais c’est un mal necesaire…
J’aimeJ’aime
Love you post about Lynz Real Cooking. Lynne is a very special person. You have a lovely blog and thank you for the follow.
J’aimeJ’aime
Thank you 🙂
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
🌼 🌸
J’aimeAimé par 1 personne
I’ve been following Lynn for a while but I love how you summarized it – this could be the back cover of her book!
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Looking forward to the book 😉
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A reblogué ceci sur quirkywritingcorneret a ajouté:
I’m thankful that my Father in heaven gave us only 10 commandments to obey and only one way for salvation. Their way of life sounds appalling, especially with not being allowed to use the toilet. ~ Connie
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